Jessica Grace: music: lyrics Insert Quirky Title Here…

Bus Driver

	Feel like a bus driver in London Town
	Driving between the cones of fearless nutters
	I'm a bit mad myself
	And I have them lining up
	But I don't care
	I want you
	
	I see you looking/staring/fighting/hiding/jumping
	But I see you running
	
	Feel like a taxi driver in London town
	Charging thirty pounds to fearful nutters
	I'm a bit mad myself
	And I have them lining up
	But I don't care
	I want you
				

What is it in You?

	I bin skillfully avoiding the mirror
	For half an hour now...
	To get paid for filing my nails would be a blessing
	But it would get tired out
	And what about the hoovering? The washing up?
	Taking the dog to the park?
	Doing the work that should've been done a year ago?
	Put it in some sort of order or some sort of small list
	And what needs to be done is done
	Everything else is all
	What is in you that I want, that I can't find in myself?
	Freezing my bollocks off, not that I have them
	Just because I feel I don't deserve more
	Being invisible, a good friend or contact
	Does not replace the reverie we have in store
	Need to believe that
	Need to trust in me, need to trust in you
	Got to have faith in everything we are
	Receiving your letter does not make up for all the times you loved me
	All the times you left me
	What is in you that I want, that I can't find in myself?
	Stripped down to nothing, I lay on the bed
	You held my feet in your hands
	You told me you'd never take advantage
	Never use it against me
	Not knowing of my plan
	To ruin it entirely
	Bet you feel a bit stupid, now
	Feel like you took advantage, now
	Like a caveman, all fired up?
	My plea to you: Go beyond it
	Stake your life on it
	Don't shy away like the coward you usually are
	What is in you that I want, that I can't find in myself?
				

Away for the Weekend

	Is it fair if I say
	You were never there
	Not really
	And you're not now
	Down in the basement
	I said, "you have a lovely house"
	But it sounded fake
	As if I didn't belong
	"Me and him we went away for the weekend
	(in my head [we've never really been away])"
	Something in this head should stop me from speaking
	'Less there's any kind of truth in what I say
	You know you feel like this 'cos he reminds you
	Of someone who bullied you at school
	And you can't shake the feeling
	So you can't shake the action
	And feel like a fool
	"Me and him we went away for the weekend
	(in my head [we've never really been away])"
	Something in this head should stop me from speaking
	'Less there's any kind of truth in what I say
	Oh Maggie, I'm so glad you could make it
	Friendly faces are so rarely come across
	Is it you or me that stops me from breaking?
	We'll never know but I'm thankful it's your loss
	"Last night," he said, "I dreamed about this
	You told your friends you were leaving and got your coat
	With a blue lighter
	There's two things that could happen here..."
				

Ether

	It's gone
	It's done
	It's out in the ether
	Now Ether can do what he likes with it
	General hunger
	Commanded the nondescript
	Now, what was it I wanted again?
	S'you...
	She said, 'should I have hope?'
	I said, 'I only have hope from the need'
	Are you wistful?
	Are you nothing at all?
	Are you like me?
	Sometimes fine in company
	Are you scared?
	Are you excited?
	Are you lost?
	Still with a lack of quadrupedal company?
	There is no way of knowing now
	Except to touch the heart from all the way over here
	She said, 'should I have hope?'
	I said, 'I only have hope from the need'
				

FYBO

	So then muttering under my breath:
	"Earthly Desires are Enlightenment"
	While I squeeze your hand
	What I really wanted, though
	Was to mutter that under my breath
	And fuck your brains out
	Rings a bell, waiting for your boat to come
	It's my hell, but it's getting easier to tell
	What to do with you...
	So much hidden in soft focus
	Your hedonism explanation was the death of us
	Take your leave
	Do away with me
	Enjoy your exploits freely
	Have your way with them, not me
	If I could speak to you now, tell you all about, what I'd learned, what I enjoy
	'T'd all be wasted on you, boy
	How very sane how very 'Zen'
	Unfilial selfish man
	Your face comes up here and then
	I won't be fooled by you again
	I hate you
	Because you know
	I am a victim
	More than most
	He said I think too much
	I said I think too much but I thought right
				

Looking for Trouble

	I was asking for trouble
	But trouble never came
	Always the way
	Where did you all disappear to?
	I don't play hide and seek with myself
	My hiding place is always too good
	Always gave up on finding myself
	
	Who will be in at 9pm on a Saturday?
	Always the way
	Could've stayed and got drunk and desperate
	Manhandled by the boys
	"Freedom exists to make you resist"
	Or is it: "make you enjoy"?
	I've forgotten...
	At two he left
	For hours I skirted the subject
	A way to reject
	Now he's gone again
	Lovely boy, makes my heart go fast
	Small hours of losing sleep
	In (oh!) fine pleasures
	There's no treasuring this
	It's too fine to measure
	I went looking for trouble
	But trouble never came
	Always the way
				

Oh! The Drama!

	Oh! The drama!
	Know the drama well... 
	Replay it in time 'fore hell freezes over
	From love to fear from greed to money
	I hope I dream you will come back to me
	Not fame or fortune cool or status
	I hope I pray I dream I wait
	Flow into me
	Throw things at me
	Do me against the wall
	Fall head over heels
	But don't get boring
	Feel sorry and worried for you
	For there's nothing behind your eyes
	But everyone thinks you're cool
	So that's okay then
				

Obsessing

	Walking down the street with my dog on the lead and a spring in my feet
	Mind wanders off at speed, pictures you on my front porch waiting for me
	All these feelings are kind of embarrassing
	I am a strong woman with 'things' in my head
	Other than you, other than you
	Well right now only really you
	
	You set yourself up for a fall, girl
	If he wants to see you he'll call you
	Well done for not calling him
	But obsessing will not bring you anything
	
	Pictures of pictures of pictures of my recollection of what we had
	On my land you may well be but Clapham's a way from Edmonton
	Why do I think you'd come here to me
	There are more salubrious places to be
	Make me indifferent, content or angry
	Just not this mad woman you (well, I) made me
	
	You see
	You just fell into the time you had with me
	When you were given the choice you were away
	What makes me yearn for that, my sweet?
	Player of many
	Mirror for me
				

Ruby

	Thank you Ruby
	For giving me respect
	For you, and me, and everybody
	Oh, it will be
	Harder than that threepenny
	To see you away kindly
	Without falling to my knees
	She said: 'Try and imagine her as a wave'
	He can't handle me
	When it's falling away from me
	And he has his own grief
	To swallow him up momentarily
	And he won't speak
	'Less he's spoken to and asked:
	'Are you okay?  No, really?'
	Without falling to his knees
	She said: 'Try and imagine her as a wave'
	But I can't get the picture out of my mind
	Of her lying on the bed, dead
	And I'm sorry to the family who have kindly adopted me
	For the crude account I have recorded
	Thank you Ruby
	For being the boss of me
	And him, and everybody
	Oh, it will be
	Harder than that threepenny
	To see you away kindly
	Without falling to my knees
	I fell
				

Respect for Self

	'You're giving them compassion if you pull them up,' she advised
	'S'not really helping them if you're scared and they're ill advised'
	
	What's the use of having respect, utmost, for all souls
	If you have none, you give none, create none
	For yourself?
	
	Got to be careful when I speak to him, emotion sometimes comes first
	When it's from the heart they know, make sure the head does not come first
	
	It's easy to believe in something when someone's there and wise
	It's when they go, you have to hold it in your heart and make you wise
				

Poor You

	I see you're confused, and I feel for you
	You did not ask for my abuse, my anger towards you
	For in my mind, you did the most unkind behaviour
	Witnessed by a fallen girl
	But that's not fair
	You were not even there, my friend
	As time passes I see
	
	Poor you
	Looking at you with my face like thunder
	I went under the table to get my lighter
	You must think I don't like you but in fact I love you
	It means nothing when it happens just all of a sudden
	It means nothing when it happens every single week
	
	This hunger will not ever cease, I want to explain it to you
	I carved you out to be my release, I never got that from you
	Now in my mind, I am the most unkind
	S'sanoshima, it is not real, it is not real
	But 'god' from here
	I will not let the fear denote my actions in this life